Between you and me, the gentleman in the blue frock coat was not entirely truthful about his whereabouts. -Horatio P. Finch, Esquire
Prefer to listen? Click below for the audio version of this month’s Behind the Scenes.
Gentle reader, I oftentimes regale you with accounts of our forthcoming spectacles. Yet, on this occasion, I would fain impart to you tales of those performances that were never to be! Certain performances were thwarted by inclement weather, others by maladies, and still others by the perplexing choice to venture East rather than West. Yet, each endeavor destined to unfold, alas, did not come to pass.
Consult the lexicon at the end of this article for terms marked with an asterisk.
Legally Blonde – February 21, 2023
In the year of our Lord 2023, the Reif Center heralded the much-anticipated tour of the delightful musical Legally Blonde. Alas, fate conspired against the actors, for their engagement was to transpire in the frigid climes of the Upper Midwest during the month of February. The ensemble graced the town of Casper, Wyoming, on the nineteenth of February and were scheduled to embark upon their journey to Grand Rapids the very next day. However, the whims of weather intervened most drastically.
A tempestuous winter storm besieged the Dakotas, rendering the passage dangerous to the degree that their lorries were forced from the thoroughfares, lest they be swept away by fierce gales! To compound their plight, even if they managed to navigate to Grand Rapids, they would be confronted with yet another storm that threatened their onward voyage to Lincoln, Nebraska. And what would you have done, I ask, when faced with such an impossible dilemma? In a prudent measure for the safety of all involved, the decision was made to forgo the performance in Grand Rapids and instead make haste directly to Lincoln. Thus, dear reader, should you wish to indulge in the charms of Legally Blonde, may I suggest revisiting the film or perusing the MTV Proshoot available on YouTube?
Afro-Cuban All Stars – March 14, 2009
In our experiences penning contracts with esteemed artists, we have come to understand the paramount importance of articulating “Minnesota” in its entirety, refraining from the use of the abbreviation “MN.” A humorous quip has emerged among us whenever a group arrives tardily, it is jestingly suggested, “They must have ventured toward the incorrect Grand Rapids!” Although we have narrowly escaped calamity and witnessed several artists having to cancel and reschedule their travel arrangements, it was not until the fourteenth of March in the year 2009 that misfortune truly struck.
On the preceding day, the thirteenth of March, the weary ensemble performed in Madison, Wisconsin. Once the final notes had faded, the fatigued musicians boarded the bus and succumbed to slumber, under the belief that they were journeying westward toward Grand Rapids, Minnesota. Alas, the bus driver, guided by the dictates of his paperwork, was enroute to Grand Rapids, Michigan! Thus, the vehicle veered eastward, carrying its drowsy passengers. It was upon the morrow that we received a distressing call, alerting us to this grave error. The bus promptly retraced its path toward Minnesota, only to realize that timely arrival was an impossibility. In lieu of this, the driver directed the course towards their subsequent engagement in Minneapolis. Naturally, we facilitated ticket refunds; however, a performance still transpired! Fortuitously, the pianist of the ensemble, Nachito Herrera, resided in Minneapolis and had arranged to travel independently of the others. Accompanying him was his daughter, a talented singer, thus ensuring that the audience was treated to an evening of delightful artistry!
Judy Tenuta – One Frigid Stag Hunting Season In The Simpler Days Of Yesteryear
It has come to be our delight to partake in the comedic artistry of the esteemed Paula Poundstone during her multiple visits to the Reif Center. My companion Greg Johnson and I have established a whimsical tradition of adorning the green room* with a menagerie of faux cats and kittens, a tribute to her own delightful clowder* of felines in her abode. However, one must note that Paula’s inaugural appearance was a consequence of another comedienne’s cancellation as we had initially secured the presence of the incomparable Judy Tenuta!
In her guise as “The Love Goddess,” she certainly presented as quite the whooperup*, albeit a comedic one. Her operatic exclamations and grandiose vibrato were employed solely for the purpose of amusement! As is frequently the case with comedic performances, her contract stipulated a provision allowing her the liberty to withdraw from our engagement should she receive an offer for a television presentation on a talk show or other televised endeavor. I cannot assert this with absolute certainty, yet I harbor a suspicion that she committed a Major MacFluffer* and believed herself booked for Grand Rapids, Michigan, rather than our own fair Minnesota! We perceive this as the true motivation behind her withdrawal from our occasion. Nonetheless, this fortuitous turn of events permitted us to arrange for the delightful Paula Poundstone to grace us with her witty observations on affairs of the day. Alas, the luminous Judy Tenuta departed from this world in the year 2022, never having set foot in our humble town.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame – March, 2020
In the vernal season of the year twenty-twenty, the esteemed Grand Rapids Players found themselves but a fortnight’s distance from the illustrious unveiling of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, directed by the talented Josh Cagle. This musical endeavor, though inspired by the Disney cinematic adaptation, is distinguished by its markedly darker essence, aligning far more closely with the original novel penned by Victor Hugo in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and thirty-one.
At that juncture, the elaborate set had approached completion, the costumes were artfully designed, and the dedicated actors had engaged in rigorous rehearsals upon the boards*, poised to embark upon the technical refinements of their craft. Yet, as we reflect upon that fateful month, one can scarcely forget the onset of troubling news regarding a singular affliction that began to unfurl its dark tendrils through the land. As the gravity of this turmoil became all too evident, Governor Tim Walz decreed the closure of public establishments, including taverns, dining establishments, gyms, and, lamentably, theaters and bawdy houses.
For an extended duration, the enchanting set for Hunchback of Notre Dame lingered in the Wilcox Theater, held aloft by the fragile hope that the cessation would be of short duration. Alas, such hopes were dashed, and in due course, the stage was cleared and the grand production was rendered obsolete. Nevertheless, the resplendent bells of Notre Dame, masterfully crafted by the skilled hands of Todd Jaranson, remain enshrined within the Reif Center, biding their time until they may ring forth in the embrace of the stage’s luminous limelight* glow!
Cat Kid Comic Club: The Musical – March 26, 2024
March can be a most unforgiving month in the Northern realms, tantalizingly near the advent of spring, yet often beset by a belated tempest of snow. Such was the predicament in the year of our Lord 2024, when we had made arrangements for TheatreWorksUSA to grace our youthful scholars with two performances of their delightful pantomime*. Alas, the tidings we received enveloped the performers in a cloud of dismay dense as a London particular*. The news delighted the young ones, for it heralded the cancellation of their academic pursuits this day, rendering the prospect of performing to an empty playhouse a rather futile endeavor.
With heavy hearts, the crew, who had already completed the laborious task of loading and setting up, gathered their belongings and retreated to their hotel, resigned to await the tempest’s passing before embarking toward their next engagement.
Hello Dolly – July, 2026
What dost thou say? Were you under the impression that the Reif Repertory Theater was to stage the charming production of 9 to 5, adorned with the music and lyrics of the illustrious Dolly Parton, this fair summer? While 9 to 5 indeed is a splendid selection, it was not our foremost choice, nor perchance our second! The esteemed Director, Katie Smith, had aspired to unveil the delightful Mamma Mia; alas, the rights were not attainable. Subsequently, she resolved to co-direct the timeless classic Hello Dolly alongside the talented Mike Magner.
I commenced my research for the set design and began crafting preliminary sketches for approval, prior to constructing a model of the set. Yet, as our discourse unfolded, a financial impediment emerged. The current licensing stipulations for Hello Dolly necessitate the accompaniment of a live orchestra.
The burdensome costs associated with acquiring the rights, coupled with the remuneration of musicians for a fortnight of performances, rendered this endeavor excessively costly. Thus, Katie and Mike determined to revert to the reimagining of 9 to 5, a production first presented by the Reif Repertory Theater Players in the year of our Lord 2023. Verily, it was bang up to the elephant*, and warmly embraced by our audience. We are fortunate to have a considerable portion of the original cast willing to reprise their roles, along with several of the initial set pieces. Most importantly, we are permitted the use of pre-recorded music! Consequently, this summer, transport thyself back to the year 1979 and immerse thyself in this splendid, toe-tapping musical. Tickets are swiftly departing; do secure thine soon, and I bid you a fond farewell.
Lexicon
- upon the boards – actively performing on the stage
- London particular – London pea soup fog
- bang up to the elephant – Victorian phrase meaning “absolutely perfect”
- green room – A lounge used by performers when they were not on stage. In the Victorian era, it was frequently kept lit by limelight lanterns to prepare performers’ eyes for the harsh stage lights.
- clowder – a group of domestic cats
- whooperup – a terrible singer
- Major MacFluffer – theatrical slang term for a sudden lapse of memory during a performance
- limelight – A powerful, bright theatrical spotlight created by heating cylinders of lime and oxygen
- pantomime – a lavish, festive theatrical entertainment